when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
