I'm going to jail i love you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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