Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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