U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
