HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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