just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
