just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
