Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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