pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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