If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
