They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
