I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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