Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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