Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize