I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
