Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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