you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drake has all the answers
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
