But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
