your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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