I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
