i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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