Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
