Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
