Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
