i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
