my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
