so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just tell him i said nine months
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
