This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
