I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You made out with two different species that night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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