I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
