I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
