Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
