dude i'm inner monologue high
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
