All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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