I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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