There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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