I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm always down for nudity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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