ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
