i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
