i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
