he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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