i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i used baking grease as lip gloss
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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