On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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