rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
