How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
