After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
