and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
