I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
