you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
