he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
