I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
