I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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