Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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