I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
