why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bring me that man meat
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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