he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
