She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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