I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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