It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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