in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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