So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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