the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
